


Failing At The Art of Acting Double

by ClearSkyBlue



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-28 22:45:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17191685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClearSkyBlue/pseuds/ClearSkyBlue
Summary: “You are my Kihyun!” Hoseok yells back. Kihyun could sense the instability in him. “You were never supposed to find out. You were supposed to keep being happy and keep being with me!”





	Failing At The Art of Acting Double

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back >:)  
> Enjoy! XO

 

 

“They’re lying. Tell me they’re lying!”

“Kihyun!”

“Hoseok!”

They reach a standstill. None of them speak. Both have tears in their eyes. It is a quiet night. They are so far up in the building that the sound of the busy streets of Seoul did not reach them. Kihyun wishes there was something that could block out the silence. The silence is deafening. 

“Why can’t you tell me they’re lying?” Kihyun asks, his voice whispery and full of disbelief. Hoseok does not speak. His eyes are wide, and his mouth keeps moving as if he was trying to form words but just could not. That is when Kihyun finally accepts it. “They’re not lying…”

“Kihyun-”

“How can you even call me that?” Kihyun yells angrily. “How can you still refer to me like that?”

“Because that’s who you are!” Hoseok yells back. There are tears streaming down his face and Kihyun wants nothing more than to go up to him and wipe them away. He could not, not now, not after everything he has learn. 

“It’s not!” Kihyun bites his bottom lip. His hands tremble. “That person in my memories - that’s not me. All my memories… they’re not mine.”

“Yes, they are, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok tries to step closer to Kihyun, but Kihyun takes a step back. 

“Stop referring to me like that!” Kihyun snaps. 

“You are Kihyunnie!” Hoseok insists. 

“I’m just some weird carbon copy of him - of whoever this actual Kihyun was,” Kihyun wipes away tears before they fall from his eyes. “I’m not Kihyun,” he whispers to himself. 

“You are Kihyun,” Hoseok whispers. “You are lovely, little Kihyun, who cares for all his friends even if that means nagging to them a little, who stays organized in every way possible, who makes sure I sleep enough and eat enough and still attend to all my schedule. You are Yoo Kihyun.” 

Kihyun shakes his head slowly, “I think you have me confused for someone else. That Yoo Kihyun is dead!” 

“No, he’s not!” Hoseok yells, loudly, with anger filling his voice. His eyes are wild. He looks - scary. Kihyun has never seen him as scary. “He’s right here. He is,” he pauses, gulping, “you.” 

Though he feels scared, Kihyun is not shaken. “That’s what you might think, Hoseok, but it’s false. You created me in a lab because you can’t face the fact that your Kihyun is dead!”

“You are my Kihyun!” Hoseok yells back. Kihyun could sense the instability in him. “You were never supposed to find out. You were supposed to keep being happy and keep being with me!”

“Hoseok-”

“You have everything he has. All his memories, all his quirks, all his traits, all his pet peeves. You’re him. It’s you,” Hoseok looks down and uses a hand to try and wipe his tears away, but they kept coming. “I made you with him in mind, using him. You’re him. Kihyun, please don’t do this to me.” 

“No,” Kihyun shakes his head, “no, I’m not him. I can’t be someone else.”

“You’re him!” Hoseok keeps insisting, looking at Kihyun again. “Everything about you is his!” He bites his bottom lip. He is trembling hard. “Please, baby, please,” Hoseok pleads, quietly, “please don’t do this to me. Please, I love you.” Hoseok falls down on his knees and looks down. 

Kihyun’s first instinct would have easily been, “I love you, too,” to go to him and hold his face and kiss his lips and his cheeks - but now he realizes that he could not. That is not him. That is not Hoseok either. Kihyun shakes his head, “no, you don’t mean that.”

Hoseok looks at him again, “Kihyun please.”

“You don’t love me. You’re not in love with me,” Kihyun keeps going. “You're in love with someone else. You’re in love with the image of me.”

“I’m in love with you!” Hoseok yells, still on the floor with his hands on his heart. “I’m head over heels in love with you. I love everything about you! I’d give anything for you! I’d die without you - that’s why I couldn’t give you up, Kihyun. I can't do anything without you.”

“I’m not Kihyun!” Kihyun snaps. “At least not the one you want me to be. I’m not him. I can’t be him. I can’t live knowing I’m just filling up for someone else.” He turns to look away from Hoseok and scoffs, “and to think I thought I was real… no wonder all your friends were wary about me.”

“They love you, Kihyun,” Hoseok says, quietly. 

“They love Kihyun!” Kihyun turns around and yells at Hoseok. “Not me, they’re terrified of me. I should’ve fucking seen it coming.”

“They would’ve eventually loved you too,” Hoseok says. 

“Why would they love an impostor?” Kihyun glares. “Why would they love someone who was stealing their precious friend away? I wouldn’t want to be around me either if I was them.”

“You make me so happy, Kihyun,” Hoseok says. He still is not looking at Kihyun. “That’s why they would come to love you because I love you. You… help me cope.” 

“I am not helping you cope,” Kihyun shakes his head. “I’m only helping you live in the past. I’m doing the complete opposite. Hoseok, why the hell did you create me?”

“I can’t live without you, Kihyun!” Hoseok yells. Both of his hands are on his chest. He is sobbing, rocking back and forth. “Knowing you had… you were gone… I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d go crazy without you. I just couldn’t let you go. I can’t. I can’t. I just can’t. I had to bring you back or else I would lose my mind.”

Kihyun stares at him. Only his willpower is keeping him from running to Hoseok and holding him tightly. Kihyun does not know if that need to go to Hoseok is his own or just part of the real Kihyun that is inside of him. “Hoseok, no one in their right mind would create a clone of a dead loved one,” his voice is soft. He is starting to pity Hoseok.

“I would, and I did, and now you’re alive and breathing and him, and I’m so happy,” Hoseok cries. 

“You’re insane, Hoseok,” Kihyun says, shaking his head.

“You keep me sane, Kihyun,” Hoseok whispers, sniffling. 

Kihyun takes a deep breath, “I’m leaving. I can’t be here.” He turns to leave.

“No, Kihyun,” Hoseok scurries to his feet and grabs Kihyun’s hand. “Please, I beg you. Don’t leave me, Kihyun. I’d die without you.”

“Hoseok, I can’t be here with you,” Kihyun says, as softly as possible. 

“Yes, you can, Kihyun. You’ve been with me all this time,” Hoseok says. He tries to pull Kihyun closer, but Kihyun holds his ground. 

“I didn’t know who I was then, Hoseok. I was only helping you live your lie,” Kihyun looks down at him. “I still don’t know who I am now…”

“You’re Yoo Kihyun,” Hoseok says. He puts his forehead on Kihyun’s hand. “You’re my precious boyfriend. Don’t leave me.”

“I can’t keep this up, Hoseok,” Kihyun pulls Hoseok’s hand away.

“Don’t leave me. Kihyun, please don’t leave me,” Hoseok shakes his head. His hands are on the ground. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“Think of me for once!” Kihyun yells. Hoseok looks at him in surprise. “Though I’m a copy of someone else, I,” Kihyun pauses. He closes his eyes and puts his hands on his forehead. “I still have my own thoughts. You can’t keep me here, Hoseok, in this madness, pretending that we’re the perfect couple when we’re not! You’re just acting like I’m actually alive!” He shakes his head, realizing he messed up his words, “like your Kihyun is actually alive.” He shakes his head and starts to walk away again. “I can’t keep pretending with you. I know that’s not who I am.”

“Kihyun, no, please don’t,” Hoseok keeps begging. Kihyun does not listen. “Please, I’ll do anything.” Kihyun reaches the front door of the apartment. “I’m sorry, Kihyun! Don’t leave me!”

Kihyun opens the door and turns back around, seeing that Hoseok is still on the floor. He sighs, “I... feel sorry for you, too.” Tears stream down his face. “I-” Kihyun shakes his head, realizing he does not mean that sentence himself and closes the door behind him. He still hears Hoseok beg for him behind it. “I need to find myself first,” Kihyun says to himself. “I don’t know who I am.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little short fic that I came up with yesterday. I think the plot is pretty self explanatory and I don't think I'll ever expand on this AU but I still wanted to upload this. It's incredibly short so idk how to feel about it since I'm not used to writing short fics anymore lmao I hope it was still good!!  
> Thank you very much for reading! I hope you all leave a comment and press a kudos. I'd really appreciate it! <3 I don't think I'll be posting anything else this year, so I will see you next year! Have a happy holiday and New Years! Bye-Bye!


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